My Life, My Design

My Life, My Design!

The universe works in mysterious ways. When we are open, we are rewarded in ways that are unimaginable.

Back in 2005, I was enjoying my newly married life, a flourishing career, and like any other 25-year old woman in those circumstances, I was in bliss. An accidental discovery which started from severe back pain, followed by numerous visits to doctors, informed me about my kidney failure (CKD-5). It was conveyed to me that medication, dialysis and eventually a kidney transplant was the course for me.

My Life, My Design

It was a completely unexpected development and my husband was stunned. I was angry, just very angry, and was questioning it. Why did it have to happen to ME?

Despite the dim prognosis, deep within I just knew that my life was meant to do good things, and that this was not how it would end. I dug deep to create hope for a happy future with my family. As my medical treatment continued, I recognized that its success depended on my physical as well as mental and emotional strength. So, alongside my treatment, I started to work towards creating a strong and invincible self.

Firstly, I must take responsibility for my life. It was changing at a fast pace and anger and blame would lead to nothing, while taking charge of my life would help me achieve greater heights. Next, I must understand the power of my mind and how I can program it to achieve abundant physical well-being. Finally, I must create space as well as acceptance within myself for the transformed way of living that awaits me.

My new-found inner strength pushed my dialysis stage to 7 years, which otherwise wouldn’t have lasted for more than a year post my diagnosis. It was not a pleasant journey; it absorbed my physical energy and drained me of my self-belief and inner power at times. However, that encouraged me to take radical steps to increasing my inner strength further on all levels, and each time I became the master of my body rather than my body mastering me.

A year later, it was time to prepare for my transplant. I embraced it wholeheartedly with the firm belief that everything would be taken care of.
I am fortunate to share that my father donated his kidney to me, and that I was provided with all the resources essential for this surgery. Both of us, father and daughter – donor and recipient – effortlessly cruised through several unending and exhausting pre-transplant tests.

Finally, I was ready to welcome a new member into my body, and a new way of living!

My Life, My Design

Interestingly, I was admitted to the hospital on the day of my 8th wedding anniversary. That morning, before we left home, I handed over a beautifully wrapped box to my husband. It had a handsome looking watch, bought a few days before. It represented my gratitude towards him for standing beside me in all those 8 long years of my suffering, and it symbolized all the joyous times ahead of us.

My surgery went well and, when I opened my eyes, I felt unknown faces looking at me. Far off in the distance, I faintly recognized my husband and my brother. All I could hear was, “urine output is good,” which was a mark of a successful kidney transplant.

My doctors were surprised that I was on my feet just 48hoursafter surgery, which was a rare occurrence among similar patients. They attributed that to my positivity and will power.

I will leave my detailed journey of post-surgery days for another time, though I would say that it all went well, and I was discharged from the hospital.

The next one year was critical and it required great discipline and lifestyle changes, all to ensure that my graft, as the new kidney is often referred to, functions well.

From the beginning of my journey, I was granted the good fortune of a loving husband who stood by me, my parents, my brother and his wife, who constantly reminded me of my strength, and all the resources of the universe (financial and otherwise) which were there for my taking. My spirit kept pushing me to keep going one day at a time.

My Life, My Design

Today when I reflect on these past 15 years, I realize that they have been a life-transforming joy ride. However, they have been painful too. I have felt scared and angry every now and then. There were times when I would feel sad, gloomy, and unwilling to get out of bed. Medicines would play their games on me and my body would beg me to give up and die in my sleep. There were also times when I felt that it was all a part of life and that I must keep going.

Even today, 7 years after transplant, I remember something significant – as if it happened just yesterday. It was early in the morning on the day I was scheduled for transplant. All prepped, I lay peacefully on the bed, being wheeled out by the nurses, taking me to the operation theatre. The elevator doors opened and the nurses gently pushed my bed in head-first so that I could see the three people who stood there facing me, looking into my eyes, silently talking to me – My husband telling me that I better come back because he would be waiting for me, my brother telling me how proud he is of me, and my mother smiling and encouraging me through her tears as the lives of her husband and daughter hung in the balance. I smiled at them with my head held high, assuring them that all would be well. All this happened in a split second, with no actual words, just energy being exchanged, and then the elevator doors closed between us. At that moment, I just knew that if this was a battle, then I had won it already!

Today, I humbly and proudly share that these experiences have tested my mettle, granting me more of it each day. This was the universe’s way of telling me that I had the power to shape my life the way I wanted it to be. I must simply open my arms and be willing to receive it. That is the life lesson I teach my son every day. He is my brave, courageous warrior, my Veer, born two years ago, post-transplant. This divine soul reminds me each day that I am the blessed one, protected one, and the strong one.

My Life, My Design

Kannika Jain

Kannika Jain is Counsellor, Therapist, Coach & Healing Practitioner. She lives in New Delhi with her husband and son.

7 Comments

  1. Sunetra · April 24, 2020 Reply

    A positive mindset and supportive family is blessing indeed. Wish you and your family the best in times to come.

  2. DrAkjain · May 6, 2020 Reply

    Beti,eye opening for many,a new ray of hope for those who are in the same boat,,all our blessings to u n family,,, warmest regards,
    Dr AK jain

  3. Gunjan Bhatia · May 6, 2020 Reply

    I am incredibly proud of you for completing the physical challenges and also for recognizing the inner strength you gained.This was probably the most emotional and engaging experience you ever had.” But I m sure you came back a new person & most important you got Veer in your life after so much pain.Stay blessed alwyz

  4. Priyanka · May 11, 2020 Reply

    You are a true inspiration to everyone, God Bless you and your beautiful family. Praying for happy , healthy years to come

  5. Nishtha · May 12, 2020 Reply

    In the world full of doubts, your story is a reassurance that we shall overcome..!
    Also it reminds that life should never be taken for granted, such severe illness you faced at such a fragile age..!
    Hats-off to your parent’s unconditional love and support.. Must have been toughest for your mother,who juggled between the daughter and husband’s affection..
    Yet you all sailed through it,since you all were pillars for strength for each other..
    Rarely do we encounter such awinspiring real life stories of “Real Hero’s” these days..
    Thank you for giving us a glimpse of your sufferings.. It takes courage to come up and speak about your pain..
    Hope for a healthy forever..

    Lots of love and regard..!

  6. Ninni Mattoo · May 12, 2020 Reply

    As I was reading your awe inspiring story, Kanika, I felt the depth of each word of yours. I can not imagine the what you must have gone through, but the way you had overcame it all, became victorious touches me so much …. its truly a journey of success … and having Veer in your life is amongst the most precious part of this journey. So so happy for you. The support of your family is so much important. I am incredibly proud of you.

  7. Kannika Jain · May 12, 2020 Reply

    Thank you everyone for your kind words 🙂 im touched…

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