15 Years Later

It has been 15 years last week since I became an organ donor. I want to take this opportunity to experience being an organ donor, my emotions and thoughts down the line 15 years after the transplant.

24th October 2006 was the day I donated liver for my daddy. I was 23 years old, chasing my ambitions and doing a Masters in Law in Cochin. My father needed a Liver Transplant, and as any other child would think and do their best to save their mum or dad from death, I too had the same emotions. With that hope I made the huge decision of being an organ donor. Not even in my dreams I had thought of taking such a decision in my life. My first challenge was to convince my mum and dad and of course the immediate family. An unmarried girl doing studies of course there was objection, after a lot of persuasion and negotiations they all gave in – but with a heavy heart.

After a series of tests, scans, and medical checks the transplant went on at Lakeshore Hospital. Cochin. I am not writing too much about the medical aspect of the surgery or the postoperative aches and pains. Being a 19-hour surgery, it took me 3 days to gain complete consciousness. Amidst all the aches and pains and trauma the ray of belief and hope that dad is ok and he is back to life kept me going.

On the 14th day after the surgery, I was discharged, and I started walking and managing my day-to-day routine. Still when I think back 15 years, I don’t know how I could do that after 2 weeks. By the end of November 2006, I was able to resume my LLM at CUSAT. (Cochin University of science and Technology)

Everyone knows the saying that “Man proposes and God disposes’ ‘. Dad left us after 2 and half months of the transplant due to an infection in blood. I was shattered. My stitches were still numb, and I couldn’t accept how this could happen. I have given my liver he can’t leave us! But life has to continue. I tried getting back to life. I resumed University and I was surrounded by fellow students’ sympathy and care. I had many mental breakdowns throughout which my friends stood as a pillar of support for me. With all the support and the mercy of God I completed my Masters degree.

In our case one of my major guilt was the money involved. We are just two daughters for our parents, and we had to pump in almost a quarter of my dad’s savings into the Transplant with the hope that it would go well. Once dad left the financial reality struck, but we sailed through.

After dad’s death, Mum was keen and so worried that she wanted me to get married and settled. Being a liver donor, going through such a big surgery, and having a huge scar which covers my entire chest and abdomen, my mum had a really difficult time finding a suitable boy for me. Ideas poured in from kith and kin to hide the fact that I was a liver donor. “Don’t get her married off”, “she will never get married”, and so on and so forth. Finally, I got married in February 2008, and my husband and his parents accepted me knowing my surgery and my scar.

15 years have flown by, now I am a mother of two girls aged 11 and 6, my first delivery was a C section and second was a normal birth. Initial one year I was surrounded by praises of being called warrior, a phoenix bird etc. Slowly people forgot about it and my scar, and my memories remained with me. Every time I keep my spirits up saying ‘Daddy you might have left this world, but you owe me as you have gone with a part of my body’.

Even though I took such a huge decision then, dad’s death took my confidence and spirits away from me, I started doubting my decisions, every personal decision felt like a failure or a disaster. Sometimes even your own family can’t realise or accept your emotions, only you can experience it. After 2006 for a few years, I was scared to even make a small decision in life. The fear of losing or making a mistake haunted me, even though I have done a noble thing and most valuable thing in life. I didn’t take up my career as a lawyer or solicitor, I kind of was living as to others wishes. People including my own family started calling me a coward. 13 years I kept myself in the cocoon and didn’t have the courage to break and come out.

Since 2019 I started thinking back and started encouraging me to gain my individuality back. In these 15 years I have spoken only to a handful of people about my organ donation, and I have not got involved in any organ donation campaigns.

Now I realise how important it is to talk and discuss organ donation. It is due to the lack of awareness that the cadaver transplant waiting list in India is so huge.

I feel that when a relative donates their organs, the praise is only until the recipient survives. There are many transplants which are not successful. For many donors’ daughters, sons, brothers, and sisters who are donors who might be like me, losing their loved one can mean losing their spirits and their confidence. Please don’t keep your thoughts low, it will only push you down. Always be proud and content that you have done something which only a fortunate person can do: a gift of life.

Being a donor is a golden opportunity to spread positivity, to get up and face challenges in life. You realise the value of life and your inner strengths. In life things may not turn as you wish, or you might have to face huge sacrifices. Organ donation is something which will give you a sense of satisfaction and contentment at least you tried. Going through a transplant is emotionally quite stressful for a family, not only for the donor and recipient but for the immediate family as well. Some hospitals may make use of the emotional trauma and convince the family. Hence it is extremely necessary to spread awareness for cadaver transplant in India as there is much less stress involved.

Just like we say to kids that we shouldn’t waste food or money, we should start thinking why waste our organs after death, that is also a waste it goes either to the soil or gets cremated. Being a Hindu from the little knowledge I have, I can say that we believe that only Atman (Soul) is eternal, body is perishable. Krishna himself has quoted it in Bhagavad Gita then why don’t we make use of the perishable body to give life for others.

Lastly, I want to give a big salute to all the organ donors: truly you all are unsung heroes. Let’s hope and work together to spread awareness and change people’s mindset towards this noble cause.